Dartmouth, The School I Wish I Went To.

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Unlike the mother of 8 children, I have no qualms choosing my favorite of the 8 Ivy League schools. And I choose Dartmouth. Dartmouth, my favorite child, is this magical place in New Hampshire where all the most intelligent and privileged high schools students with the best hair and hottest hockey skills go to party in the wilderness. 

If hott haired smart hockey players weren't reason enough to love this middle-of-nowhere uni, then let the following list educate you.

1. Isolation

Hanover, New Hampshire: home of Dartmouth and lots of trees, I guess. I've never been to Hanover personally (or New Hampshire at all, for that matter), but when Ryan (my boyfriend) took Topanga (his car) to see Mikey (his cousin) at Dartmouth (my fave Ivy), Ryan informed me that Hanover is actually (literally?) in the middle of nowhere, also right northwest of Lebanon...? (Take a look at a NH map). 

This isolation and boondock status is #1 on my list of Reasons I Love Dartmouth because:

A. Isolation gives Dartmouth the Fear Factor advantage over other Ivies (see #2)

B. Reminds me of home. Because North Dakota is also in the middle of nowhere, but minus the trees. 

 

2. Motto

I've written about this genius before, but I cannot conquer my jealousy; If I were to have any Latin motto representing me and who I am, I'd want it to evoke mind numbing fear in the hearts of all who heard it. 

"A Voice Crying in the Wilderness." 

Terrified under-grads attempting to escape The Big Green Killer (see #3) in the woods of Hanover - is what comes to mind when I hear Dartmouth's Slogan. This motto goes hand in hand with the isolation factor. Dartmouth = wilderness, wilderness = isolation, isolation = no one can hear you when your Voice Cries out in the Wilderness, therefore Dartmouth = breeding ground of Zombie-like horror flicks.

Who isn't looking for this kind of action in a university? 

3. Unofficial Mascots (Keggie/The Big Green)

Dartmouth's unofficial mascot is Keggie the Keg. Keggie. The Keg. PERFECTION!

Not only is Dartmouth the unofficial party school of the Ivy league, not only was Animal House set in a Dartmouth frat, not only is Greek Life rampant, BUT, oh yes, but - - Dartmouth also had the PURE GENIUS to invent BEER PONG (see #8)!!! This school deserves a mascot that properly embodies Dartmouth's no-nonsense approach to College-level partying. 

Too bad Keggie's been Kegnapped. 

Dartmouth actually nickname is the "Big Green"; which refers to the color of the forest, and is embodied by... nothing. It's more of an idea, but has been represented by an American Indian chief in the past, something that Dartmouth doesn't like to talk about. This fear of their somewhat racial past mascot caused Dartmouth to ban UND's Fighting Sioux from a hockey tournament not too many years ago. Which makes me love The Big Green even more. 

4. Forbes Rating

I'll just come right out and say it: Dartmouth was ranked #127 on Forbes Magazine's college rankings. At first I was angry. I mean, what the hell? I haven't even ever heard of half the schools in the top ten. Isn't reputation factored into this nonsense? But after I had penned a strongly worded letter to Forbes about the atrocity that is their College Rankings List, I realized how arbitrary/absolutely amazing the number 127 is. 

No one notices a thing when Ivies like Harvard and Princeton and Yale show up with a #1-10 beside their name, but when someone sees a #127 beside Dartmouth's name, one is left saying, "What is Forbes smoking!?" These people are left thinking about Dartmouth roughing it alone with the 100-150 top schools; poor Dartmouth, I hope it's not too close to any state schools, I hope it's had its meningitis vaccination. Who KNOWS what kind of land grant universities are hanging out in the over-100 spots. Ugh. I shudder to think. 

And just to let you know, Dartmouth is ranked #11 on US News' list. 

Not that Dartmouth is toooo good for #127. 

6. The Jack-o-Lantern

   These videos speak for themselves. Dartmouth students have an excellent sense of humor. It only makes me wish that NDSU had a NDSU Dartmouth Enthusiasts club. Poor me.

Oh! Keep in mind while watching the "Drinking Time" video that Dartmouth is home of National Lampoon's Animal House, all based on and set in a Dartmouth frat. PARTY TIME!

a. It's Drinking Time prank

b. D.Y.E. Dartmouth Yale Enthusiasts 

7. Filligar

Three Dartmouth brothers, Johnny ('11), Teddy ('09), and Pete Mathias ('09)... and their childhood friend, some guy who does NOT go to Dartmouth, make up the band Filligar. I'm a big fan the Ivy Band scene. And by big fan, I mean I really like Vampire Weekend (whose members attended Columbia), and now these guys. Hurrah. 

And last, but not least....

8. Dartmouth Pong

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dartmouth_pong

Dartmouth invented Beer Pong. 

        Enough said.