To All My Southern Friends:Vengeance! This is for all the years that every state north of Tennessee froze during the winter months while southern states sat chuckling beneath their Confederate flags, sipping ice tea with lemon.
Bwahahahahahaha.
There are currently THREE targets of my Southern Snowfall fueled laughter:
1. Myself
2. The South
3. Al Gore
First of all, myself:
1.
I'm laughing at myself because along with the snow fell injustice. My boyfriend's little brother's school was cancelled because it was FORECASTED to snow. The snow hadn't even happened yet, and school was cancelled in Pottstown, PA.
NDSU forces me to class in all sorts of unaccommodating weather conditions.
Here is an example of a Severe Weather Warning on NDSU's Listserv:
Dear NDSU Students,
As of 2:45am this morning, what some are calling the "Snow-Holocaust" was officially upon us. The sky opened up and dumped a record-setting 174 inches on our beautiful campus!
By 4am, snow had been followed by freezing rain, 35o mph winds, and cracks in the earth that reveal our world's fiery underbelly.
Due caution should be paid while traveling to and from campus today.
Please check your email frequently throughout the day to watch for the SLIGHT possibility of cancelled classes, but as of 8:15am this morning, NDSU campus is open.
GO BISON!
If the world ended, NDSU would continue to hold classes. This is due to North Dakota's stellar work ethic, and the fact that everything happens ten years later in North Dakota. Including the end of the world.
2.
The South:
I mean, I hope everyone is safe, don't get me wrong, but I also hope ya'll packed yer parkas!
Jackson, TN got 12.5 inches!?!? That is outrageous! They must have done a lot of terrible anti-winter things to have such horrible snow-karma.
Or Athens, SC. Can you imagine going to sleep one night singing Dixieland in nothing but your underoos, and waking up to half a foot of snow covering your green tomatoes you had been planning to fry that morning!?!?
Peach trees FROZEN! Southern hospitality FRIGID! Debutantes SNOWED IN!
SOUTHERN CLICHES!??!!?
I think I'm so tough, being from North Dakota, but I honestly think far Northerners can bear a variety of severe weather conditions.
We get snow ALL the time, I've dealt with 100 degrees, drought, floods, prairie fires, high winds, ice storms, tornadoes...
I guess no hurricanes. But does anyone handle those well?
Anderson Cooper, that's who.
3.
Al Gore:
I think we're all thinking the same thing:
What the hell happened to Global Warning, Al!?!?!
I happen to remember a promise Mr. Gore made me two years ago; That North Dakota would be the new Cancun, as the more "traditional" and coastal vacation destinations were covered with melting icecap waters.
In preparation of this, uh, tragedy, I practiced the art of hair braiding and body shots so as to provide ND's new tourists with a Prairie Paradise experience similar to a Gulf Coast Spring Break.
Al Gore, I want my two years back! No one freezing cold wants their hair corn-rowed into a fancy zig-zag design.
Annie's Resume:
Good at:
Hair Braiding, Body Shots, Applying SunScreen
Bad at:
Computers, Communicating, Focusing
Because of you, AL!, my resume sucks!
My poor job prospects and Frost bitten toes are begging Global Warming to make an appearance; is this bad?
It might be. But my anti-winter karma won't have any effect on NoDak; we're already buried in snow and ice. I guess we now have something in common with the South. Other than love of the Union, I guess.
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