Airline Nonsense!?!?

This happens to me all the time.
I see nonsense like this, and get really excited about the idea of Ryan flying to the Midwest (i.e. Bismarck) to come see me. We've been paying an arm and a leg and a portion of my college tuition and plasma and eBay Auctions to visit one another this semester, and how AWESOME would it be to for Ry to fly from Philly to Bismarck for $57* each way!!?!? Pretty awesome, I'd say.

But, you know, that * stands for *Not Actually Anything Close To This Price, The $57 Is A Marketing Lie And It Is Actually Going To Cost You WAY More Than Usual.

What a sale.

Well, United, it worked. I searched your dumb site for fares that awesome. They don't exist. On two separate searches, it would cost around $500 to fly from Philly to Bismarck.

WHAT THE WHAT!?!?

That is NOTHING close to $57 each way.
That's like $250 each way, United. DO THE MATH!?!?
Maybe they meant $57 in taxes. Or $57 to check a bag. Or $57 to change seats after finding yourself seated next to some weird mom who wants to talk to me about the time she met someone from North Dakota, and how much better her kids' small, private, liberal arts school is than my Ag and Applied Science Univ.

Upon further investigation, I discovered that by Midwest they meant flights into and out of Denver. That's nonsense! Once again.
Colorado isn't even in the Midwest!?!? It's the west, thank you very much. How DARE they include JUST Denver in a Midwest sale. And then EXCLUDE North Dakota which is as Mid as it gets. Yes, we're North, but we're also VERY Middle. LOOK AT A MAP... we're that rectangle state up by Canada, no, further north, nope, that's Montana, ok too far east, Yes! YES! That's us, there, yup, that one. Good work.

I'm sick of everyone else in America benefiting from awesome airline sales. There might be around 600,000 living in my homestate, and we might have little to no tourism, and not many of us wander past our borders very often, BUT WE STILL LIKE TO TRAVEL!!? And we're sick of having to sacrifice our kids' private school tuition to visit our dying aunts in Arizona!?!?! I Mean, COME ON!?!?!

Doesn't Affirmative Action protect minority states from being totally screwed over on jacked air travel prices? If not, it should.

Just once, once, I want to see a sale targeted at the Far North. Cheap Cheap Cheap airfare from Bismarck to New York, from Fargo to London, etc, etc, etc.

So, get on that United, and until then, I will continue to delete all your dumb emails you send me. Because they're terrible.

fyi.